Mountain theory

Once, in a meditation book, I read an interesting piece about getting a perspective on the self. It suggested that we all get very attached to our own mountain tops. I am on the mountain of Eddie usually, and see everything from the perspective of up here, the place I am used to, the view I know. You, however, are on Mount You, which has a different shape, and a different set of views.

EMPATHY

Sometimes, the book said, we can, as an exercise, walk off our own mountain, and travel to someone else’s mountain top. From there, we can look at the world through their eyes, and see what they see. This can help us to lose our obsession with our own points of view.

I often think about this in my therapeutic relationships with clients. I imagine myself travelling off my own mountain, and onto their mountain, and then sitting with them while they describe how the view looks to them, and tell me what it’s like living there.

ARGUMENTS

In arguments, we would do well to remember that we are arguing with someone who lives on their own mountain. They can’t see our view clearly, and we can’t see theirs. We are different people. Sometimes, in anger, we can end up trying to pull the other person off their mountain, and then both of us end up falling into the valley between us, which helps no one. Better, sometimes, to take some time, leave them to their mountain, and handle the issue another time.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Healthy relationships involve two people with their own mountains, who are able to visit each other’s points of view from time to time, appreciate each other’s existence, but do not require the other person to live on their mountain, nor themselves to live on the other person’s mountain. My own parents each definitely had their own point of view, but they tolerated and loved one another nonetheless.

A MEDITATION PRACTICE

From time to time, in our imaginations, we can practice empathic meditation by taking time to travel to someone else’s mountain. We can imagine sitting on their mountaintop, seeing what they see, and facing what they face. Afterwards, we can return to our own lives with a better understanding of the other’s feelings and point of view.

So there you are. Mountain theory. The theory that we all live on our own separate mountains, with our own separate experiences and viewpoints. But that, from time to time, we can visit each other’s mountains, and see what others see.