Narcissists and money problems

NARCISSISTS AND MONEY PROBLEMS

WHAT ARE NARCISSISTS LIKE?

Narcissists put themselves first, are obsessed with controlling others, cannot cope with criticism, and cannot be seen to give way to other people’s boundaries.  Narcissists have a great sense of entitlement, and lack empathy with others.

Socially, narcissists are publicly polite, but in private, under pressure, a more sinister side appears, in which they are mean to those closest to them, and manipulative towards those who get in their way.

THE FINANCIAL CONSEQUENCES OF NARCISSISM

This entitled, controlling streak can get narcissists into financial trouble.  The financial sector rewards respect, negotiation, and acceptance of criticism.  Accountability works well, because the investor can see what’s happening with their money.  Entitlement, in contrast, doesn’t work.

Because they take without giving, narcissists can end up deep in debt.  Then they blame others, insisting that people, events and the world – not they themselves –  are responsible.  They then seek out kind people with no boundaries to hear their speech and save them.  Securing new funds, they then go back to spending more than they earn.

NARCISSISTS’ BEHAVIOUR UNDER PRESSURE

When funds run out, narcissists become aggressive and sensitive to criticism.  They become unable to sustain the myth of control, and their inner world crumbles.  Feeling vulnerable, they turn to emotional manipulation, praising those who help them, and criticising those who don’t.  They insist that those who don’t help them are failing to understand.  They appeal to guilt.  ‘You don’t care about me,’ they say.  This behaviour profoundly damages family and social relationships. 

Narcissists use words not actions.  They use the same speech (well-rehearsed and very familiar) for every bad situation they end up in.  This speech diverts attention from their own accountability.  They use up hours of time repeating the speech, instead of taking action to escape debt.

HOW TO RESPOND

If you are experiencing this, don’t give anything in response to emotional blackmail.  If you do, realise you are unlikely to get it back, and you will be asked for more.  Narcissists rarely learn to behave better.  Most continue to prey on vulnerability, endlessly draining the same sources of supply.

When talking with a narcissist in trouble, focus on actions.  Ask what they have done so far, and what they intend to do.  Don’t just fund the problem.  Emergencies will be presented that are a side-effect of consistent neglect and inaction.  If you respond with a rescue package, you will again prevent them from experiencing consequences. They will learn nothing, and you will be poorer.

Take a lesson from the banks. Be strong. Rather than giving in unquestioningly, ask ‘What’s your plan?’  If there isn’t one, wait for one.  Otherwise, you will forever be supporting failure.

And sometimes, just sometimes, hitting rock bottom enables a narcissist to do things a different way. Encourage this. But wait and watch. Much apparent change is simply the narcissist shifting attention to a new source of supply. Time will tell if they have learned their lesson.